There's less than a month to go, and London ain't ready.
I'm not talking about the stadia or the athletes' facilities. I presume the rivers and pools have water in them, the pitches grass, the tracks lines, the roads tarmac and the gymnasia crash mats.
I'm talking London, the place. It ain't ready for the influx of people the Olympics will bring. Tower Bridge may well have five rings on it, but elsewhere it's all hard hats and hi-vis, scaffolding and the sounds of HGVs reversing.
London's getting the spruce up of its life, like an entire family helping an old lady get ready for a big wedding. It desperately wants to be looking its best when the eyes of the world fall on it. The dress has been on for ages, but applying the make-up is taking longer than expected. Let's hope she's ready by the time the guests arrive.