POLE VAULT: How do you know if you're any good at it?

There aren't many school fields around the world with one of these twenty-foot high contraptions on them.
Long jump, running, high jump, javelin, you get to do all that business in school so you can see how bad you are at them and realise you'll never win Olympic gold from an early age.
But Pole Vault? I bet there's been some undiscovered talent at this event.

People will have gone through their lives not knowing that they were meant to be Pole Vaulters, all because they never got the chance to try it.

But why not teach it in school? Yeah, it's dangerous, but kids love that kind of shit. Although I would have deliberately forgotten my PE kit on Pole Vault day to avoid the risk of soiling it.

Why make it the only event you have to wait until you've left school to get into.

Can't throw far, or run fast? Never mind, you can still be a sporting hero by tossing yourself over a high bar from a thin, flexible stick.

Pole Vaulters of the world, share with the rest of the world the career path that leads you into this most fascinating of Olympic events.

GB TEAM: Dodgy start

Is the weight of expectation meaning many of our athletes have nothing attached to a ribbon and weighing down their necks?

A silver and a bronze after the first two days does not represent a good return. And having witnessed a team of GB archers freeze against the Russians (one even shot a four!) it's looking like the pressure of being at home is affecting performance. And until we get that first gold, the pressure is going to keep on building.

Opening Ceremony A Triumph But...

...what about the hand salute from a gentleman in the audience as the German team took to the track? I can't have been the only one to be reminded of the Nazi salute.

Korean Flag Crisis

Oh, fucking dear.

What a woeful start.

Some GCSE-educated dickbrain doesn't know the difference between the flags for North and South Korea.

We could have had a full-blown diplomatic crisis on our hands before the Olympic ceremony.

Brings into question why some of the events start before the opening ceremony, and why some are being held in a different country to the host city. I'm all for sharing the wealth and good times a little, but this is generosity gone too far. (About 400 miles too far north.)

And it doesn't bode well for the rest of the tournament if we can get something as basic and important as flags so badly wrong. What next, Borat's version of the Kazakhstani anthem being played at a medal ceremony?

Koreans, on behalf of Brits with a modicum of intelligence, I'd like to apologise.

The Problem With Football At The Olympics

Sooo, the London 2012 Olympic events kick off today, two days before the opening ceremony, with football. In Wales, which I believe is a bit of a trek from London (actually, I know it is).
And there's very little fanfare accompanying the kick off. Which sums up the problem with football at the Olympics: NO ONE GIVES A FLYING / DIVING / SHIRT PULLING FUCK.
Everyone knows who won the last World Cup or the last two Euros, Spain, Spain, Spain. But few know who won the footie at the last Olympics. Spain, was it? Brazil probably.
Small wonder we're struggling to give tickets to games away.
My advice, kick out the football from the next Olympics and replace it with darts. Being the first ever Darts Olympic Champion is something a LOT of people will give a shit about.

S***.

Being a blog centred around the armchair, I can barely bring myself to say the word s***. So**. Sof* Sofa.

But here's a neat little press ad featuring one of those overlong, too big for its boots recliners that make me look inadequate.

Never Let It Be Said That We Are A Cynical Nation

Before the games hath begun, the piss taking and gentle ribbing that we Brits excel at begins.

Evidenced by these charming bags, all sold for a good cause.

How To Cash In On The Olympics

Sent with very high importance. To the in-box of every business in the capital. Here's your one chance to buck the trend of the recent recession and make a few, well, bucks.

The Olympics offers businesses an unprecedented opportunity to cash in on the increase footfall in the area, even if your business doesn't happen to be the official cereal bar or dog food of London 2012.

That's why so many shop fronts are sprucing up their facades, some totally rebuilding, others getting a fresh lick of paint or brand new signage.

All will be competing for attention as the athletes compete for gold.

The Olympics used to be about championing amateur sports, didn't it. Now the professional money men are grabbing a slice of the five-ringed pie.

Ready, Steady, Er...

There's less than a month to go, and London ain't ready.

I'm not talking about the stadia or the athletes' facilities. I presume the rivers and pools have water in them, the pitches grass, the tracks lines, the roads tarmac and the gymnasia crash mats.

I'm talking London, the place. It ain't ready for the influx of people the Olympics will bring. Tower Bridge may well have five rings on it, but elsewhere it's all hard hats and hi-vis, scaffolding and the sounds of HGVs reversing.

London's getting the spruce up of its life, like an entire family helping an old lady get ready for a big wedding. It desperately wants to be looking its best when the eyes of the world fall on it. The dress has been on for ages, but applying the make-up is taking longer than expected. Let's hope she's ready by the time the guests arrive.